8 Reasons You Might Struggle with Self-Worth — and How to Heal
DISCLAIMER: This post is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional mental health care or medical advice. Reading this does not create a therapist–client relationship. If you are in crisis or need immediate help, contact 988.
It’s a new year, which makes it a natural time to reflect on how we’re feeling about ourselves. Many people enter January wanting to feel more confident, grounded, and deserving of good things — but sometimes old patterns get in the way. Here are some of the most common challenges to self-worth, and what you can do to start the year with a stronger, kinder foundation.
1. Negative Self-Talk & Inner Criticism
Many people have an inner voice that constantly points out flaws, doubts, or past mistakes.
This can lead to feelings of unworthiness and self-doubt.
👉 What to Try: Practice self-compassion by acknowledging your painful feelings. When we acknowledge them, they tend to hurt less and pass quicker. Also, practice challenging negative thoughts with more balanced, realistic ones. This isn’t magical thinking that the world is all rainbows and unicorns — these are realistic and truthful thoughts. Typically, our negative thoughts are lying to us one way or another. Get in the practice of pointing out the lies in your negative thoughts! (Neff, “Self Compassion”; Mental Health Center)
It’s also worth noting that self-critical thoughts tend to intensify when we’re sleep-deprived. Improving sleep can make it easier to respond to negative self-talk with more balance and self-compassion. If sleep has been an ongoing struggle, you may find this post on how therapy can support better sleep and emotional regulation helpful.
2. Fear of Failure & Perfectionism
People often feel they must be perfect or successful to be worthy.
Fear of failure can prevent them from trying new things or taking risks (Antony and Swinson).
👉 What to Try: Accept that mistakes are part of learning! Admitting mistakes often helps us get even closer to those we love and care about too. And realistically, the people who achieve the most have had some huge failures — because big wins usually require some sort of risk. I recommend you aim for progress and “good enough,” not perfection.
3. Comparing Yourself to Others
Social media and societal pressures make it easy to feel "not good enough."
People often compare their struggles to others’ highlight reels.
👉 What to Try: Be honest with yourself — does social media add to your life, or lead to pain and frustration? We can stay connected with friends and loved ones outside of social media. It can be a hard thing to let go of, but many people actually feel less alone when they take a break from it, because it removes those constant comparisons. Either way, focus on your personal growth and set your own standards for success (Neff, “What Is Self-Compassion?”).
4. Past Trauma or Negative Experiences
Hurtful experiences, such as bullying, rejection, or criticism, can leave deep emotional wounds.
These experiences shape self-worth and can create lasting insecurities (Gilbert).
👉 What to Try: People sometimes talk about “Big T Trauma” vs. “little t trauma.” Here I’m talking about any painful experiences that shape how we see the world — also known as core beliefs. Identifying and challenging these learned core beliefs, such as “people won’t love me unless I’m perfect / useful / quiet,” is important because these beliefs are often flawed. It’s like the “Negative Self-Talk” above — that general negative talk usually comes from these deeper, distorted beliefs.
Side note: If someone is having flashbacks or intense re-experiencing of trauma, I would recommend a different, trauma-focused treatment such as EMDR or prolonged exposure therapy.
5. Lack of Boundaries & People-Pleasing
Constantly seeking approval and overextending for others can leave people feeling drained, unappreciated, and resentful.
Saying “yes” to everything often comes from a fear of rejection or disapproval (Catalyst Psychology).
👉 What to Try: Set clear boundaries and prioritize self-care. As simple as this sounds, it’s often exceptionally hard. Start small by practicing saying “no” in low-stakes interactions — for example, to a telemarketer or a street solicitor. Avoid overexplaining or apologizing; “No” is a complete sentence. Over time, this builds confidence and rewires your belief that saying no will automatically lead to rejection.
6. Lack of Self-Acceptance
Many struggle with accepting themselves as they are—flaws, imperfections, and all.
They believe they need to change before they can be worthy of love or success.
👉 What to Try: Self-acceptance grows out of self-compassion. Self-compassion is about treating yourself with the same care you’d offer a loved one, even when you’ve made mistakes. For example, if you recall a past mistake that still makes you cringe because it negatively affected someone else, you can pause and say, “Feeling embarrassed makes sense — it’s because I really care about that person.” This approach can melt away judgment and help you accept both your mistake and yourself. Practice self-acceptance by embracing strengths and weaknesses alike. You are enough as you are (Neff, What is Self-Compassion?).
7. Unmet Emotional Needs & Lack of Self-Care
Feeling unloved, unseen, or unsupported can lead to low self-worth.
Neglecting self-care (physically, mentally, or emotionally) adds to the struggle.
👉 What to Try: Identify and honor your emotional needs. Clearly ask for what you want and need. Engage in activities that nurture your well-being. A common trap, especially when feeling depressed, is waiting for energy or motivation to arrive before acting. But action often comes before motivation. Doing small, nurturing things for yourself — sitting outside, stretching, or moving to a sunnier room — helps start an upward spiral of energy and self-worth (Dimidjian et al.).
For a concrete example of how movement and mastery can support mood and self-worth, you can read more about this in my post on how engaging in meaningful physical activity can support mental health.
8. Difficulty Letting Go of the Past
Regret, guilt, or shame from past mistakes can keep people stuck in a cycle of self-doubt.
Holding onto old failures prevents them from feeling worthy in the present.
👉 What to Try: Letting go requires both self-acceptance and self-compassion. It’s also easier to forgive others once healthy boundaries are in place. Often, repetitive thinking about the past (rumination) is rooted in distorted beliefs about responsibility or control. Forgive yourself and focus on what you can do moving forward (Wadsworth et al.).
Conclusion: Healing Your Sense of Worth
Improving self-worth isn’t about becoming perfect — it’s about learning to see yourself with understanding instead of judgment. Each small act of self-compassion, each time you challenge a critical thought, and every “no” you say to protect your peace are all quiet steps toward healing. If you recognize yourself in these patterns, know that you’re not alone — and that these habits can change. With practice, awareness, and support (whether through therapy, journaling, or trusted relationships), it’s possible to build a more balanced, kind, and resilient relationship with yourself.
Related Reading/Listening
Any of Kristin Neff’s books. As a place to start, I really like her 2011 book Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself.
I recommend checking out this podcast episode - TED Radio Hour, “Failure is an Option”.
One of my favorite books on assertiveness is When I Say No, I Feel Guilty, by Manuel J. Smith. One note on this book, it is certainly is dated since it was published in 1975, but I found great worth in the first half of it. It talks about “A Bill of Assertive Rights”, and helped me change my perspective and gain confidence that I do have the right to say “no” and set boundaries.
Learn a bit about Acceptance and Commitment Therapy with The Happiness Trap: How to Stop Struggling and Start Living, by Russ Harris
Ready to Dive Deeper?
Every person is different and has unique challenges, so this list isn’t going to be a one-size-fits-all list, but I’m hoping it gives you some ideas on what path might be a fit for you.
If you would like to get to work towards feeling better, I would love to meet you!
Please use the links below to directly book a free consultation call, or click on ‘Contact Me’ to go to my contact page where you can fill out a form and I’ll get back to you within 48 business hours.
References
Antony, Martin M., and Richard P. Swinson. When Perfect Isn’t Good Enough: Strategies for Coping with Perfectionism. New Harbinger Publications, 2009.
Catalyst Psychology. “The Hidden Costs of High Performance: How Perfectionism, Fear of Failure, and Overcommitment Fuel Anxiety.” 2025, https://catalyst-psychology.com/the-hidden-costs-of-high-performance-how-perfectionism-fear-of-failure-and-overcommitment-fuel-anxiety/.
Dimidjian, S., et al. Behavioral activation for depression. In D. H. Barlow (Ed.), Clinical handbook of psychological disorders: A step-by-step treatment manual, 5th ed., pp. 353–393, 2014. The Guilford Press. https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2014-05860-011.
Gilbert, Paul. Compassion Focused Therapy. Routledge, 2010.
Mental Health Center. “Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Negative Self-Talk.” Mental Health Center, 1 Aug. 2025, www.mentalhealthctr.com/how-to-deal-with-negative-self-talk/.
Neff, Kristin D. “Self-Compassion: Theory, Method, Research, and Intervention.” Annual Review of Psychology, Vol. 74:193-218, 2023, www.annualreviews.org/content/journals/10.1146/annurev-psych-032420-031047.
Neff, Kristin D. “What Is Self-Compassion?” Self-Compassion.org, 2025 self-compassion.org/the-three-elements-of-self-compassion-2/.
Wadsworth, L.P., et al. Examining the Role of Repetitive Negative Thinking in Relations Between Positive and Negative Aspects of Self-compassion and Symptom Improvement During Intensive Treatment. Cogn Ther Res 42, 236–249 (2018). https://doi.org/10.1007/s10608-017-9887-0.
