How to Set Goals that You Can Stick To

Written By Cora Taylor

DISCLAIMER: This post is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional mental health care or medical advice. Reading this does not create a therapist–client relationship. If you are in crisis or need immediate help, contact 988.

If you’ve ever read goal-setting advice and thought, “I already know what I should do—so why can’t I just do it?” you’re not alone. For many people, traditional goal-setting advice can feel overwhelming, unrealistic, or quietly shaming—especially when stress, burnout, perfectionism, anxiety, or low mood are already present.

Difficulty following through on goals is rarely a character flaw. More often, it’s a sign that goals are being set without enough clarity, flexibility, or support.

This post offers a therapist-informed, realistic approach to goal setting—one that emphasizes sustainability over pressure. It builds on my previous post, How to Clarify Your Values and Priorities for the Year Ahead, which explores how tools like vision boards can help clarify direction before setting goals. If you’re still in the brainstorming phase, that can be a helpful place to start. If you aren’t interested in doing a vision board, feel to jump straight in here!


1. Start With Direction, Not Pressure

Most people try to set goals too early. When motivation feels low or priorities feel unclear, the issue is rarely discipline—it’s direction.

Here’s a helpful distinction:

  • Values = how you want to live and show up (ongoing, never “completed”)

  • Goals = specific milestones that move you in that direction

  • Habits or systems = what you do week to week

If you try to choose goals before clarifying direction, you’ll likely feel stuck, resistant, or drained.

Values-based approaches like Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) emphasize that meaningful action becomes easier after you reconnect with what matters—not before (Hayes et al.).


2. Clarify Direction Without Overthinking (“Values Lite”)

You do not need a perfectly articulated life purpose to set helpful goals. You only need enough clarity to move forward.

Exercise: The 80-Year-Old Test (10 minutes)

Answer these quickly, without polishing:

  • When I am much older, what would I regret not having invested time or energy into?

  • What do I want people close to me to say I stood for?

  • When do I feel most like myself, even briefly?

Now look back and underline verbs—words like resting, caring, learning, connecting, creating, contributing.

These verbs reflect values in action.

Helpful framing:

  • “Being mentally healthy” ❌ (outcome)

  • “Taking care of my mental health” ✔ (process)

  • “Success” ❌ (outcome)

  • “Doing meaningful, competent work” ✔ (process)

Aim for 5–7 value directions. More than that tends to fuel pressure rather than clarity.


3. Focus on a Few Life Domains (Not Everything at Once)

When anxiety or perfectionism is present, it’s common to feel pressure to fix everything all at once. That approach usually leads to burnout.

Instead, map your values onto life domains such as:

  • Family Relationships (other than marriage)

  • Marriage / Intimate Relationships

  • Parenting

  • Friendships / Social Relationships

  • Work / Career / Education

  • Recreation / Relaxation

  • Spirituality

  • Community / Citizenship

  • Physical Health / Well-Being

Then ask: Where does movement matter most right now?

From here, you can start to shape some possible goals.

Show your work - Do this worksheet!

It’s easy to do just do these types of exercises in your head, but please take a moment to complete this worksheet on Values Self-Exploration. Either print it out, or get a piece of paper and write your answers on your own piece of paper.

Why not just do it in your head? It’s all the same, right? No, it’s really not.

When we just think the thoughts, it’s much harder to get clear perspective, and it’s much harder to remember what we discover. Our default is to fall back into our old way of thinking

So if you really do want to make sure you’re living aligned with what’s important to you, take the 5 minutes to go through this worksheet. With this exercise, it’s helpful to rate:

  • Importance of each domain (1-5), this is prompted on the worksheet.

  • AND current satisfaction for each domain (1-5), this you would have to write in on your own.

Taking the time to rate the importance and rate your satisfaction is a really effective way to decide where you want to focus your energy.


From here, choose 2–3 domains that are important but currently unsatisfying. These become your focus for now—not forever.


4. Choose Annual Themes Instead of Rigid Goals

Rather than setting many concrete goals, start with 1–3 themes for this year or season of life.

Themes reduce pressure and help guide decisions when motivation fluctuates.

Examples many therapy clients resonate with:

  • “Stabilizing my mental and emotional energy”

  • “Building consistency instead of intensity”

  • “Reducing burnout”

  • “Strengthening relationships”

A helpful test:

If I lived this theme imperfectly for the next year, would it still feel supportive?

If yes, it’s a good theme. It’s unlikely we will do anything perfectly, so let’s be set up for success from the start


5. Set Fewer Goals—On Purpose

Once you have themes, you can choose goals. Fewer is not a failure here; it’s a strategy.

For each theme, choose one goal (two at most).

Behavior-based goals work best, especially for anxiety and depression.

Ask:

  • What will I do?

  • How often?

  • Under what conditions?

Example

Theme: Stabilizing mental and emotional energy

Less helpful goal:

  • “Feel less stressed”

More supportive goals:

  • “I will attend one weekly therapy or structured self-reflection session.”

  • “I will stop work by 6:30 p.m. at least three weekdays per week.”

These goals focus on what’s within your control, which builds confidence and self-trust.

Research on self-regulation shows that reducing cognitive overload and decision fatigue improves follow-through (Baumeister and Tierney).


6. Use SMART Goals—Gently

SMART goals can be useful when applied flexibly rather than rigidly. At their best, they add clarity—not pressure.

SMART goals are:

  • Specific

  • Measurable

  • Achievable

  • Relevant

  • Time-bound

Example:

Less helpful goal:

  • “Feel less stressed”

More supportive goal:

  • “I will stop work by 6:30 p.m. at least three weekdays per week for the next month.”

If a goal becomes a source of self-criticism, it’s no longer serving its purpose. Goals should support functioning and well-being, not undermine them.

Research on self-regulation suggests that reducing cognitive overload and decision fatigue improves follow-through (Baumeister and Tierney).

7. Define a “Minimum Viable Week”

Many clients abandon goals during low-energy weeks and then feel discouraged. A protective strategy is defining the smallest version of the goal that still counts.

Examples:

  • 10 minutes of movement instead of a full workout

  • One intentional conversation

  • One page of writing

  • One check-in or planning session

This approach counters all-or-nothing thinking and supports momentum during difficult periods.


8. Review Monthly, Not Constantly

Instead of daily self-monitoring, schedule a monthly check-in:

  • What helped this month?

  • What felt draining or unrealistic?

  • What small adjustment would make next month easier?

This reframes goal setting as an experiment, not a performance evaluation.


A Gentle Reframe About Motivation

If you struggle to know what you want or to follow through, it may be because:

  • You’re used to responding to external expectations

  • You’ve learned to ignore your own internal signals

  • You’re tired, overwhelmed, or burned out

Clarity often returns after you take small, values-aligned actions—not before.

You are not committing to a permanent identity. You are testing what supports you and adjusting as you learn more about yourself.


When Therapy Can Help With Goal Setting

If goal setting brings up anxiety, shame, or a sense of failure, therapy can help you:

  • Clarify values without pressure

  • Set goals that support mental health

  • Work through perfectionism and avoidance

  • Build consistency without burnout

You don’t need to do this alone, and you don’t need to “push harder” to make progress.

If you’d like support with values-based goal setting or feeling stuck, therapy can be a place to explore this at a sustainable pace.


References

Cora Taylor
Previous

Stuck and Procrastinating? Two Psychology Tools That Help You Get Moving
Next

How to Clarify Your Values and Priorities for the Year Ahead